[Paddy's sat in his kitchen, it's the afternoon.]

Right, folks of the Barge. We need a chat. About this: [He holds up an orange.] Not just oranges. Food. In general.

Because here's the thing, guys. Let me introduce you to our staff. I don't know if you've noticed, but responsible for your hot, delicious, tasty dinners, for over... oh, is it 150 ( Read more... )

Folks! I need kitchen staff. If you just got here, inmate wise, consider it as the best job there is. Better than some of the stuff you could be doing ( Read more... )

Wait, wait, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait just a minute.

I know there's a lot to be said, about all these fucking birds and stone walls and stuff.

But am I supposed to feed all these random blokes hovering around the place? Because, bonus... I have a ton of fucking chocolate and chillis and... is that fucking maize[He's now just sifting through the things ( Read more... )

Right, okay folks.

It's about time we talked about Christmas. Or not-Christmas.

And how either works in relation to your foodBecause, obviously, guys, I'm gonna attack a turkey come Christmas. Or several, seeing how many people there are. And it'll be fucking grand. If you do Christmas, that is, and Donny and a coupla others have got a point ( Read more... )

Until further notice, this is how food is going to work:

You will take what you are given. You will be given a mark on the back of your hand when you are given food (if anyone has a permanent marker, this would be a great fucking help). You will not be allowed seconds. Even if you're fucking hungry.

The kitchen will be under 24 hour guard. Do ( Read more... )

Right, right.

I was James fucking Bond. James Bond and he wanted to assassinate the Admiral. His incompetence with distributing food aside - HOW FUCKING COOL WAS THAT?

Moving on.

[Warden filter]Right. Some notes on staff ( Read more... )

[Private to the Admiral]

I want 200 Pot Noodles, varying flavours, delivered to the kitchen. If you would. [Pause, as he knows the Admiral's sense of humour.]

In a box or crate or something, not just dumped around the place.

[Private to Laura]

So, what d'you do on your day to yourself? Hope I was right to trust you.

[Kitchen filter]Nobody ( Read more... )

[Warden filter]Two points. Need someone new for lunch. Piper's danced off into the sunset or some such shit. I'll do it until someone volunteers, but I ain't doing it permanently ( Read more... )

New wardens, new inmates, whatever the fuck. Three bits of info here: I'm Patrick Maguire. Call me fucking Paddy ( Read more... )

One word, kids:

Bonfire.

No, two words: Bonfire, marshmallows.

No, four words: Bonfire, marshmallows, wood clearing.

No, five words: Bonfire, marshmallows, wood clearing, now.

I'm Patrick Maguire, call me Paddy, let's get burning some things. Fill up on marshmallows if you didn't touch dinner.

((ooc: there'll be another epic thread of doom ( Read more... )